CUKUP

umi,
penat lah.
penat nak jaga perasaan orang.
penat nak puaskan hati orang.
penat nak gembirakan hati orang.

tyah dah penat dh umi,
dah tepu otak fikir pasal orang lain.
sebab tu tyah nak balik.
tyah nak jauh dari semua kat sini.
penat. tension. rimas. panas.
semua ada.

tapi tyah tau,
umi akan kata jangan give up.
sabar.
im trying. i really am.
but..sampai bila?

ntah la..
maybe salah tyah.
maybe tyah terlalu garang
maybe tyah terlalu cerewet
maybe tyah terlalu mendesak
maybe tyah terlalu inginkan sesuatu
maybe tyah terlalu panas baran
maybe tyah terlalu mengharap
mabye tyah terlalu tak considerate tentang orang lain
maybe tyah terlalu sibuk sampai tak hiraukan orang lain

tapi sampai bila tyah nak fikir pasal orang lain je?
tyah pon ada perasaan.
tyah pon penat jugak.
tyah pon ad banyak benda kena settle jugak.
serious, tyah dah penat.
sometimes tyah rasa nak jerit sekuat hati.
other times tyah rasa nak nangis..
tapi tyah pendam je. tahan sampai xde orang tengok.
tyah dh xmampu nk sorok lagi dah.
i can't be me without showing who i am.
sometimes late at night i feel that i've lost myself.
i need to go home.
to regain myself.
to remind me of who i am.

i need someone to lean on here.
but there's no one.
there's no one to take my hand and ask me 'how was your day?'
no one to tell me 'it's not over, the game has just begun'
no one to say 'its ok tyah, i know you're capable'
no one.

that's why i HAVE to go home.